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just recieved this one Diary of a Viagra Housewife...its long but is it funny?
Dear Diary:
Day 1
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, HE
locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2
Today he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. (Why doesn't he tell me something I DON'T know!) I mean, gimme a break. He's been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp.
Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.
Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his "problem." It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He said, "this time, I'd rather not have your mother join us." (I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.)
Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. (No pun intended). Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. GET OVER YOURSELF! Not everything is about you!
Day 10
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.
Day 11
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Hard Cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I gonna do?
Day 12
The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet and he thought it was The Smurfs Do Denmark.
Day 13
I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with Black and Decker.
Day 15
I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying "fabulous" and still he keeps coming after me!
Day 16
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missle. Let's hope he's like President Bush and pulls out in 100 days.
Day 17
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun. Now he tells me sister Wendy revs his motor.
Day 20
I may just have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants to: Stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket!
she should've hid them from him!! lmmfao!!
Anyway, you get...
...a STAR...!
lolz
What's she complaining about?!
Sounds like my idea of heaven!!!
thanks for a laugh
Another Excellent one Chris.!!!
Suffer lady suffer, lol.!!!
10/10.!!!
Cheers for a good laugh.!!
Funnier that Hell!!! This is a big keeper.. I Loved this one My Friend.. I really Loved the last one...A Star.
A Friend,
poppy1
this sounds funny but in serious?
i bought my husband some of them Viagra pills not sure if i spelled that pill name right but we are young hes only 28 and im 27 so he as no problem in that dept but it Sound fun so we decided to try it and th pack says seek medical help if your winky stays hard longer than 4 hours that's my terms not medial but he took 1 pill and omg its not gone down in well its been 11 hours or so and we are getting worried he don't really want to go to the er but why do they say seek medical help if this happens is it serious or not please help asap
why are you asking questions when you two could be having sex! Im just kidding! He should really go to the er. fuck i would tell him if hes that hard to show that beast off go naked (i would) it would be funny as hell and id call the record book because 11 hours is a hell of a long time
High Technology (A Blues-Ballad Lyric)?
HIGH TECHNOLOGY 1
Willys cynical thought for the fucking day,
Many believe that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Yeah, like *that's* fucking true?
By WILLY SENKIWSKY 4/17/05 11:30 p.m. Honky Tonk, or Blues Ballad
People always say, it was better in the days...
Many weren't around the times they praise!
Hmm, so all of a sudden this is night?
Now with a flick of a switch there is light!
I wonder what people used to do
Before radio when they wanted a tune?
Some learned to play some did without
Before mic's and amp's they had to shout!
Don't bother asking you won't get an apology
Because I really dig all this high technology!
I was a 'shade tree' mechanic in my backyard
Now my ride's fuel injected and turbocharged!
No way I could've ever done that
Hell, I was lucky to even fix a flat!
I have a cellular phone and PC
And ninety percent of my music on CDs!
Long ago, on a tube, my finger I burned
Now I use transistors I done learned!
I don't believe the bullcrap they call astrology
Than met Madam Zelda; online, now, that's high technology!
Now you don't talk ya spell
GTH meaning Go To Hell!
Stuff that was religion is now theology
That's the only downside to high technology!
Finally, I broke down and got a 'virtual' date
Don't you know she still made me wait?!
Even after I bought her FTD flowers
I had to wait three goddamn hours!
I bought new batteries for hearing aid
Not knowing their useless on a 'puter date!
I have an insulin pump and plastic thigh
Pacemaker keeps my heart from saying goodbye!
Ask all you want you won't get an apology
Because I'm really into this high technology!
I'm the first in line for a silicon chip
With that I'll be the hippest of the hip!
I've been told my math will improve
They have to wait till the FDA approves!
I already been waiting three years
It'll fill, some, the space 'tween my ears!
I'll see a dr. to write a Viagra script
Than I will be ready to 'let er rip!'
Will you stop asking? I ain't giving an apology
Because things go better with high technology!!!...
Copyright 2005 Willy Senkiwsky -- All Rights Received -- Unauthorized Duplication Prohibited
"The Blues are the roots, and the other music is the fruits." One of Willie Dixon's favorite sayings, from I Am the Blues by Willie Dixon with Don Snowden (DaCapo, 1989)
"Life is like music, it must be composed by ear, feeling and instinct, not by rule. Nevertheless one had better know the rules, for they sometimes guide in doubtful cases, though not often." --Samuel Butler (1612-80), English poet, Author
"Simple music is the hardest music to play and blues is simple music." --Albert Collins
Here's the link to my site, now I definitely have music, and me singing "That's Just the Way That I Am," an original, there and pics too. Don't just stop at the front page scroll down and check it all out! Keep checking back it just been updated... I made a new page, "Me and Evilbay (A work in progress)." There are pages "How to Know If you're a New Yorker," by me and "Willys Jokes." A little humor on the serious side! Sign the guestbook too y'all!
http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblu es/
i like honkey tonk music....im being sarcastic, hehehehe...never really heard of it before
VEE99 Open eMails: ranbaxy
B8ikm4rfv.131.ghilman@blogger.com Ever,y man wants t'o have* ultimate 'sexual power +as lo'ng as possible. Bu't li+fe is t.ricky! You sho+uld not* be afrai+d of pain relief dr.ugs but .you shoul+d ta'ke them respons_ibly, re_member! 7 -out of th*e top 11 drug-s abused* by teenage_rs are presc-ription and' over-_the-counter. medication+s. Ma-ny of painkil_ling drugs can 'ca_use mild side eff+ects', such as constipa*tion and, dry mouth. '7 o-ut of the t_op 11 drugs a.bused by te,enagers ar*e prescript+ion a'nd over-the-*counter .medications.- I have never, tr_ied a medicat*ion with suc_h powerful, effect as- this ,new allergy tre+atment' has. Painkill-er addic,tion is gradua_lly b*ecoming one o,f the mos-t common f*orms o.f drug addic-tion. Antibio+tics' are some of the_ most pop-ular and wid-ely used* medi,cations al+l over the world! .There's- no such thi_ng as free' lun.ch! You have to p-ay 10% f_or _most effec+tive medication! +Hear.t disease is, the number 1- kil_ler of women and *men in the -Uni+ted States_. Did you _know? Asthma was 'dep.icted as a 'disease r'ather than a s.ymptom by the. En.glish chemist T.homas 'Willis Heal+thcare spe*cialist's often say +that obesity i+s a chronic-...
VIAGRA FOR KIDS (partially used...lol)
Well first I was just recording at lunch, and then Erique wanted to do a commercial w/ the candy, and he came up w/ this...lol
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