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hi friends,5 jokes in a row?
An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger
comes up
to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian
pounds.
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not
worth
it?"
"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it."
Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table,
reading the
paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful
actress that
was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his
lack of IQ
and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his
face. "I'll never
understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
get to
prove it.
I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't
know if I
ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it.
Husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was
reading
the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, "Here is a great sale on
tires!"
His wife replied, "What do you want tires for? You don't have a car."
He says, "I don't complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?"
Well there was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They
were
sitting at the breakfast table that morning and the old gentleman
said to his
wife, "Just think honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting
here at this
breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here as naked
as
jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered,?What do you say...Should we?" Whereupon the
two
stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
nipples are as
hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps, "One's in your coffee and
the other
one's in your oatmeal."
A woman was complaining to her neighbor that she suspected her
husband was
cheating on her because he always came home at extremely late hours.
The neighbor said, "Dear, try what I did. One night, when my husband
came home
at 3 a.m. I called out, 'Is that you Jeffrey?' He never came home
late again.
"That's ridiculous! Just calling his name made him stop?" replied the
neighbor
with disbelief.
"You don't understand.?replied the lady, "My husband's name is
Thomas."
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals
through his wallet.
At about 3am, i was drunk as a skunk. i came home just in time to
hear the
cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. quickly coming up with a plan, i
cuckooed nine
more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. i was very
proud of
myself.
the next day, my wife asked what time i got home, and i
replied, "midnight,
just like i said."
she said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new
cuckoo
clock. when i asked why, she answered, "last night when it cuckooed
midnight, it
cuckooed three times, said 's***!,' cuckooed four more times, farted,
cuckooed
three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then
started
giggling."
they are hot!!
what can I do to help my husbands low libido?
Im 31 and my husband is 34 and we have nearly been married for two years. He's a very condsiderate husband and a very cuddly person and overall in our relationship everything is great. Although for the past six months his libido seems to have dropped significantly. He can only make love every few days as otherwise there can be problems keeping it hard, this is probably normal so its not a problem but Im just adding a bit of background. sex doesnt last very long prob around 2-3 mins and 5 max. he always seems to come quickly regardless and I put this down to hypersensitivity. although it means I have less enjoyment out of sex this doesnt bother me, as I know hes quite open to suggestions of foreplay. but lately its seems it is always me initiating sex and being told he's too tired ect. Im not overally demnding once every three to four days is fine with me but this is making me very unhappy. it brings about feelings like' is it me? am I not attractive to him anymore?' I havent changed much since we started dating and he pursued me relentlessly then! I even suggest different positions and this doesnt help, even advanced warning that Id like sex does nothing. its become a sore point in our relationship and one I know hes uncomfortable with, I dont want to make him unhappy but its really bothering me! Ive neverly been overly sexual an needy in that way but I dont want to be in a virtually sexless marriage. Ive even been having thoughts about finding another man just for amazing sex! but I dont think I ever would as Im just not that type and its not in my nature.This could become a real problem within our marriage though! its depressing to think I'll never have good sex again! Viagra is good if you want a long eerection. and we have tried it but it doesnt help the lack of desire. does anyone have any suggestions on things I can try or things to buy? Ive read about pills such as Horny goats weed, but do they work? would appreciate some input from both a male and female prespective and no stupid banal comments please. Im ordering some stuff from ann summers in the mean time but you shouldnt have to reply on that kind of thing all the time! thanks for listening and I dont know if all I wrote was relevant but hey ho. x
after reading some responses, stress at work could be a factor! and he is probably a bit unfit too! but hes definatley not having an affair thats one thing im sure of!
Forget these idiots who say if he eats a certain food he'll get horny.
That is all stupid childish urban legend.
You are exactly right - Viagra, Cialis, etc are for people who have desire, but lack function.
THERE IS NO PILL OR FOOD TO CURE DESIRE.
Desire is in the mind.
Now, a few people, men and women alike, respond to small daily applications of testosterone cream just rubbed into the skin. It takes a prescription to get it, but some people do respond. Keep in mind that in men and women alike, it causes deeper voice, more facial hair, acne, oily hair and skin, and moderate to severe aggressiveness.
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